How to tell if you are a night person

1. You do not own an alarm clock.

2. You are the last person in your house to get out of bed.

3. You keep track of what side you sleep on, because you sleep so long and so late that you have to be careful not to mess up one side of your body by sleeping on it too long.

4. You love the silence and peace of the dark, wee hours of the morning.

5. You do not wake up when you get out of bed. Waking up is a process, involving perhaps several hours of careful ministrations.

6. Coffee is your main drug.

7. The sound of birds chirping sends a chill of fear down your spine.

8. On those rare occasions when you must get up early for some vile purpose, the stillness of the world strikes you as really creepy.

9. Nothing satisfies like a comfort-fo0d snack at 2am.

10. Your idea of working out is to work the kink out of your arms by waving them over your head.

11. The sun is a foul, mean-spirited thing because it is out way, way too early.

12. Your juices really get flowing after the sun goes down, and other people are pooping out.

13. If you go to bed before midnight, you’ve pretty much lost the day forever.

14. Sleeping in past noon is a victory. You can stay up until dawn that night!

15. Certain grooming behaviors traditionally done in the morning are done…haphazardly. Your nails are ragged, your hair is never quite right, stubble (face, pits, wherever) is a common thing. You either skip such things, or do them below social minimums.

16. You do not have a single photo of the sunrise anywhere.

17. You like dark desktop photos.

18. You get all your important work done after 8pm.

19. You have a secret desire to punch your morning-person co-workers, and are afraid that someday, you actually will and lose your job. Even if the problem really is those damn morning people…

20. Lunch is breakfast.

21. You always have coffee with dinner.

22. Sex is a nighttime activity.

23. You are always stuck in evening rush-hour traffic when you do your errands – even on a day off.

24. Morning people are just vile.

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